Second Time Around

Registering the second time around isn’t that exciting.

Let’s get something clear – I’m not pregnant, at least not yet. This is the first official cycle of trying and I’m currently on CD 6. I won’t ovulate for another week or so. I do feel surprisingly confident this time around. I don’t know if it’s the meditation or false hope. I would like to believe I truly think I’ll be pregnant again soon and that’s helping with the nerves.

For those new to this blog, let’s hit you with some terminology I’m going to use within the next several months:

PgAL: Pregnant After a Loss.

PgALL: Pregnant after a Late Loss

Rainbow baby: Baby after a loss

Rainbow pregnancy: pregnancy after a loss

IC: Incompetent (or insufficient) cervix

Cerclage: a stitch that keeps the cervix in tact so a woman can carry to term. This is typically common with IC.

So now we got that out of the way…let’s talk registering for the second rainbow kid.

With Bo, it was easy and not for a reason I like to admit. I still had Ethan’s registry on Amazon and I simply used a lot of that to fill up Bo’s. Yeah, kinda sucks. I don’t necessarily like how convenient it was.

Now, it’s a bit different. The expectation for the first baby is so exciting because it’s really new and fresh. Who doesn’t love picking out baby clothes? Who doesn’t love going to showers and seeing all of the cool little gifts? With the next baby, it’s like…hmm…I already have this. And that. And those. And I probably have too many of those.

Not as fun.

I’m also debating if I should even register. Tradition says a mother should only have one baby shower because she’d have everything else for the other children, which is true. But what if your first baby is a different gender from your next one? Does the same rule apply? What if there’s a bit of a time-lapse between babies (3+ years), does the rule still apply?

Decisions, decisions…

If I get pregnant soon, this baby will be a spring 2016 one. That means I will have to get summer-type onesies like this one.

summeronesie
Available at Amazon, click on the picture!

These were the same onesies I originally picked out for Ethan. Yeah, feeling emotional puffs.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at, emotionally-wise about a registry. In other news, I decided I’ll have another cerclage. I know you’re probably thinking, ‘Um, wasn’t that plan anyway since the last one was so successful?‘ Well, I’m stubborn. I vividly remember all of the doctor’s appointments (three of them monthly) and the cerclage recovery (which wasn’t that bad, other than I had to stay inside the house for a week). A part of me wondered if I really wanted to go through all of that again? I have a toddler now and it’s never a dull moment with him. Each appointment I go to, Bear will come with me. Keeping a toddler entertained in a waiting room? Hah. That’s going to be fun.

And then I received some clarity.

I’m part of a IC group on Facebook. While I don’t post as much as I used to, I do remain to lend my support and give advice to other moms in the group. Two moms recently lost their sons; one of them being her third loss.

I remember the devastation of losing Ethan and can still recall it like if it just happened yesterday. There is absolutely nothing worse than to bury your child. Nothing. Nothing can compare and nothing won’t compare. Why in the hell would I even want to risk putting myself through that again?

So, I’m getting another cerclage. I’m also getting another c-section. Meh…I’ll share my feelings on that in another post. I’m not advocating for a VBAC (nor do I want) but major surgery is a little iffy on me. Maybe my feelings will change again soon.

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Future Baby Mama…Soon?

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It’s about that time.

To TTC.

I’m currently on CD 9 and I’ll start tracking my ovulation in a couple of days. Ideally, I would’ve already been pregnant with Rainbow Baby #2 and possibly, would’ve given birth. Life is funny that way. You have an idea of how you want things to go and oops, not quite.

I’m excited. The more round preggo tummies I’m seeing, the more I want to be pregnant again. I’m also little apprehensive. I’m 35 (yeah, really I am; Black don’t crack!), so time isn’t on my side nowadays. I was 32 when I gave birth to Ethan and just turned 34 when I gave birth to Bo. I’m officially AMA or Advanced Maternal Age. I hate that term. It makes me sound all geriatric.

I’m trying to get more in shape. I’ve been walking a ton (upwards to 20 miles a week) and I’ve recently began meditating to calm my spirit and my nerves (a great app called Stop, Breathe, and Think helps a lot). So whenever you hear me say I’m not trying to get on a diet or actively lose weight, that’s why.

I’m going to order the Fertibella again and see what happens. I don’t know for sure if it helped me get pregnant last time but I don’t know if it didn’t. A part of me wonders if I’ll be able to handle two small children under 3. A part of me wonders if this will be my only chance. I also wonder if my fibroids are also under control so it won’t impede with the growth of said baby.

I wonder, wonder, wonder.

So wish us luck! I’ll keep everyone informed of the progress of how it’s coming along. Hopefully, I’ll have some great news to share soon! ❤

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My Saving Grace

 

I’m going to be frank – I’m not looking forward to Mother’s Day this year. Or any year, for that matter.

You can’t blame me. I was supposed to have a baby in 2012. Instead, I spent 2011 mourning two losses; one being a late-term loss (Ethan).

Being celebrated on Mother’s Day when I feel someone is missing is a bit skewed.

I don’t know if it’ll ever get better, honestly.  I can have more children and I still don’t know if Mother’s Day will ever be great. I spent the last two Mother’s Day fairly quiet. I’m going to spend this one pretty quiet as well. Well, as quiet as somebody will let me. See Exhibit A.

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M. did make me smile the other day with a really nice gift:

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With a really nice letter attached to it:

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JESBM stands for jellybean, Ethan, Sushi, Bo, and M. (If you may recall, jellybean was my first pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage.)

I’m really blessed I have such a wonderful partner. We don’t have a lot of money, nice things, and all that jazz, but our love for one another makes us rich.

I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day.

Fancy

I have spent a small fortune on this child so far. I’m not really into designer labels or fashions, though I occasionally splurge on a very nice handbag or jewelry. I think it’s something I’ve inherited from my grandmother and mother. They’ve always had nice jewelry and things, neither believing in putting it on credit. They both figured if they really wanted something, they would save up to afford it – a trait I hope to pass down to my children. (Think of the feeling of accomplishment – knowing you worked hard to earn something and you finally got it.)

I love sales. Love them, love them, love them. Who doesn’t love a good deal? So when Macy’s had a sale recently, I had to snag some choice items that I otherwise would not buy if they were regular price:

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I love Ralph Lauren Polo. I bought M. several of them for his work. I figured Yoda and Daddy should match. These onesies/jumpies are normally $35 each. I got them on sale for $11 each.

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Calvin Klein was also on sale. $10 and some change.

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And of course, a Star Wars shirt. A little over $7.

How much money have I spent on Yoda so far? A LOT.

New Sensation

I had an appointment with my OB this past Friday. Yoda is looking great and measuring great. Still, no weight gain and my doctor doubts I’ll gain any for the remainder of the pregnancy. I can still look down and see my feet for the time being. I had my glucose test on Friday as well and yeah…it was nice to drink the flat Fanta-like beverage for a few sips but anything past the few sips was like….

sicksmiley

“…we should probably talk about the idea of a c-section….”

I can’t say I was shocked by my OB’s words. He pretty much confirmed what my MFM saw the week before – Yoda is a very big baby, already measuring three weeks ahead. My OB estimated he’ll be at least eight pounds, if not nine pounds at birth. It was at the doctor’s appointment I learned that a baby’s weight is dependent on the mother’s height, something I didn’t know. I guess however tall you are will determine how big your baby will be. Tall woman = big baby. Small woman = small baby. Anything in between of that is just a special circumstance. Makes sense if you think about it. 

Back to what my doctor suggested, I’m not against the idea of a c-section. In the beginning of the pregnancy, I had an idea I was going to have a c-section, partially because of the cerclage. My OB made it very clear he did not want to remove the cerclage and let it stay for the other pregnancies I’ll have, which isn’t a bad suggestion.  He was concerned about a vaginal delivery and potential stress to Yoda. Nothing is set in stone, but it’s something we’re considering, given his size and my already high-risk state. 

Yoda, an October baby? Maybe.

baby dlm pumpkin

Either way, I’ll just happy when he finally arrives. 

This pregnancy will have a different outcome.