I Can’t Go For That

crazy

I can honestly say I do not like my in-laws.

I’ve struggled for a while to write this post simply because I really don’t want to put family drama on blast, at least not anymore. But sometimes, you have to call people out on their bullshit, even if they’re related to you.

Long story short, my in-laws do not fully accept Bo. Not sure if they ever did or ever will.

One kinda has to wonder where it stems from. You see, Maks’s father (I’ll call him V) did not like the fact Maks was dating a Black girl and he expressed that. Never to my face, and I figured it’s because he didn’t want to be knocked out. Over time, V grew to like me because he quickly realized Black people aren’t a monolith. There are the Michelle Obamas, Phylicia Rashads, and Kamala Harrises as well as Nick Minajs, Beyonces, and Keke Palmers. We’re all different and we all fight similar struggles.

I’m going to say it’s always been this difficult. There were times the in-laws and I got along just fine. The issue really is with Maks’s mother (I’ll call her N). Without throwing N completely under the bus and running her over, she has issues. In fact, her issues have issues. Lots of baggage from her childhood and well into adulthood has made her into a miserable thing. Honestly, N doesn’t even resemble her wedding day picture, like at all. That’s how much stress she’s had.

So I try to be sympathetic and empathetic because I’ve dealt with my own mental issues as well. Sometimes, you need to stay away from someone if they really have nothing good to say. When someone is constantly negative, it does impact your life quality. You start to become negative because, well, misery loves company. There was a period of time where I refused to see my in-laws at all because I just couldn’t stand being around them.

Now things turned for the better after Ethan and they helped a lot. Keep that in mind. Ethan was our firstborn who prematurely died shortly after birth. One would think after Bear’s arrival, things would get better. They would be around more. They would be awesome grandparents because they know how it feels to lose a grandchild already.

The number of times N has seen Bo has been ONCE. Once in TWO YEARS. N and V only live 10 miles away, about a 30 minute trip one-way. ONCE. That one time was suspicious. N made a comment that she didn’t want to see us – as in me and Bo – on her birthday and she just wanted to celebrate it with Maks, his brother, and V.

You can guess what my reaction was to that…

bullshit

When I told my parents that, they were more polite though my father quickly expressed his feelings about potential racism, a feeling I still hold true. Maks shared those feelings to his parents and N quickly got on the defensive. Listen, y’all…no one is going to admit they’re a racist, okay? Not even members of the KKK are going to admit they’re racist. Saying you’re a racist is like saying you’re a child molester or a pedophile. No one will ever admit it despite all of the evidence pointing otherwise.

N came over on Bear’s first Easter and she was a last-minute guest. You got the feeling she played the, ‘I’m not racist’ card. I would’ve believed her if it wasn’t for the fact she barely acknowledged Maks on his first Father’s Day with a living child. She didn’t even come over on Bear’s birthday, Maks’s birthday, or Christmas. Easter 2014 was the only time N has ever seen Bear. V has been over many times since.

v

You see where I’m going with this?

I’m not a person who believes you need to have a physical relationship with someone to be close with that person. If you’re making an effort to stay in contact with someone, you’ll always have a relationship with them. N has made no contact. I’ve invited her over many times. She’s rebuffed all of them. She could Skype, FaceTime, etc., she chooses not to. In fact, V is also guilty of that as well. I even asked Maks one time if he honestly thought his parents will come around and be a part of Bear’s life if he suddenly died? He couldn’t answer that.

Maks is in denial about his mother and I can’t blame him. No one kid wants to admit their parent doesn’t accept their child and family. Again, I know there are some heavy mental issues going on with N. This is a woman who will claim she’s not feeling well all year (I personally think it’s menopause) but she’ll magically feel better on her birthday to make a dinner for the family (those she considers she’s related to). I have to keep in mind, this is the same woman who instigated a fight with me after she had three bottles of champagne by herself when I was pregnant with Ethan and on my husband’s 30th birthday.

It does suck on my end because I’m in a situation where I have to explain race and acceptance early to my child, and how even certain family members won’t accept him. It’s an elephant in the room my in-laws refuse to address. They don’t see the issue and of course, why would they? When your head is so far up your ass, all you see is darkness. The interesting part about all of this is N still hates her in-laws for how they treated her when N and V had marital issues. Yet – are you ready for this? – N is acting worse now than her in-laws ever did. The irony.

So if you ever wonder why you don’t see my in-laws in any vlogs, that’s pretty much it. Instead of holding hate and anger inside my heart, I’m choose love and positivity and raising the best little boy out there. He deserves love and not bullshit.

Let’s open it up for comments…did you ever have issues with your in-laws? How did you deal with them?

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3 thoughts on “I Can’t Go For That

  1. I had the opposite issue with my first in-laws. My ex was a mama’s boy and she was TOO involved in our lives. He had a drug addiction and she was an enabler. She would bail him out of every situation he got himself in to. When he would go on a binge and spend his whole paycheck, she would pay our bills. It got to the point where she blamed me for his addiction, even though it was in play long before I was in the picture. To this day she encourages him to pastor a church and pursue ministry while he still struggles regularly. It’s disgusting. I was young and had no support system so I had to deal with it. Thankfully I found the strength to leave and they are no longer my problem. He has since married 2 more women and continued to struggle with addiction.

    You just need to know what is acceptable and what is not. If she refuses to be a part of Bo’s life because of her issues, then she will just miss out on the awesomeness that he is. Don’t take it personal, though I can see that being near impossible. She is missing out on greatness. I feel bad for her.

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    1. It’s a dislike/not quite hate relationship I have with them. I don’t think they actually know how negatively I feel about them and it’s because Maks chooses not to say anything (another source of contention). I’m in a position where it’s like I’m being treated awfully and Maks is like, ‘Well, they treat me bad too!’ I don’t know…I have told him if he were to suddenly die, his parents wouldn’t be a part of Bear’s life at all and that would be totally their doing, not mine. I am pretty angry about it, but I can’t have my anger dictate how I’ll be a wife or a parent, you know? I just have to keep it movin’ and hand it over to God.

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