Several months ago, Maks and I decided to take a break from TTC to focus on Bear and get ourselves together (click here for a refresher).
Despite what anyone tells you, time is fast. Incredibly fast. Like Usain Bolt taking a jog in the 100 meters fast.
As we’re steadily approaching the time for us to start trying again, I’m anxiously getting prepared. I’m paying off debt. I’m catching up on some. We’re eating way healthier now and becoming a lot more active. Our home isn’t so cluttered and we’ve made plans to upgrade a lot of things within the next six months.
And yet…it still feels like we’re not ready.
I know, I know. I know all too well – you’re never ready. We can be totally debt-free, living in a museum-like home, and have bodies that rival Mr. Olympia participants, and we’d never be ready. That’s the challenge of parenting – you think you’re ready but you have no idea.
Bear is still in diapers, though I’m anxious to get him out of them ASAP. He’s thriving in school (he only goes part-time) and he’s talking a ton more. In turn, I’ve been more productive in the home and also in my writing ventures. I’ve also shed a few pounds that I’ve gained and feel happier overall.
And yet…it still feels like I’m not ready.
The more squishy and chunky babies I see, the more my biological clock is shouting at me, demanding I occupy my uterus. Age, who was once my good friend and I still consider her a homie, is tapping her feet and giving me a look of, ‘Okay, sis, what are we doing here?’
Yeah…what are we doing?
I don’t know if we’re going to start this cycle or wait until another like originally planned (probably the latter). The reason for the delay was so I wouldn’t be pregnant at my long-awaited Beyonce concert I’m attending in a few weeks.
Yeah. I get to see King Bey herself. Floor seats, yo.
So yeah, as I contemplate where I’m at in my life with where I want to be, I can’t help but to think a big part of me does want another baby and rather soon. It was never my intention to have just one baby and I would love to make Bear a big brother.
I guess we should get started on it…that is, after Beyonce.