Why

Today is my birthday. Two years ago, I was pregnant on my birthday and actually announced it the same day. It was easier to have people tell me Happy Birthday and wish me congratulations at the same time. Though I did announce to my Facebook friends  and family a few weeks ago I was expecting and debuted a few of our maternity photos, I’ve been pretty quiet on Facebook. And Instagram for that matter. (If you want to follow me on Instagram, you can look for Foxxy79. My profile is set to private but I’ll add you. I have to warn you, I’m pretty boring.)

I’m confident about this pregnancy and I can honestly say without hesitation that Yoda will be our take-home baby. But I’m not confident about sharing pregnancy updates so publicly anymore. It sucks. I really get jealous when I see my other pregnant friends talk about their cravings, and how they went maternity clothes shopping, and etc. I’m sure a few months ago I could’ve done the same but I wasn’t sure back then. That’s the jacked-up thing about being pregnant after a loss – you never quite feel comfortable. The feeling of, ‘What if?’ never goes away.

I still can’t help but to think I would be celebrating my birthday with a toddler and a baby on the way. Still, I am happy for this miracle and blessing growing and kicking inside me. I just wish things were different.

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