Today I have a four-year old


It’s crazy to think four years ago, I gave birth to one of the most amazing persons ever. Like ever.

Motherhood has been a challenge, no doubt. A lot of ups and quite a few downs. But I can’t imagine my life without him.

He brings a smile to my face when I’m down. He makes me see the bright side of things. He’s my inspiration when I don’t have any. He’s the reason I keep going and want to do better.

To My Beautiful Bear, Happy Birthday. I love you always.


Father and Son

I took these pictures of Bae and Baby Bae over a week ago. I’m not a professional photographer by any means, but hey, I’m rather impressed by how they turned out!

Holding onto Daddy after a fall. 
Feeling a tad bit better. 
Up we go!
A bit higher! 
And down we go! 

I really love capturing moments like this. I used my hubby’s camera, a Fuji, if anyone’s wondering. Shout-out to the hubs, for the awesome editing he put into the pics!

My Son Needs His Own Room…and I’m Slightly Freaking Out About It.


It’s no secret Maks and I have co-slept with Bear since, well, birth. Not by choice, mind you. While he did sleep in his bassinet (and then crib), he always prefers sleeping with us. Plus, I was (am) breastfeeding at the time so it made sense to give him some boob as we (mainly he) slept.

Now, Bear is becoming a big boy. And big boys need their own rooms. And I’m slowly coming to terms with it.

You see, for the past three, almost four years, I’ve become quite used to my son being, well, a baby. Even as he’s potty-training, he’s still in diapers giving him the ‘baby’ feel. But he probably won’t be in diapers for much longer. And he’s started to spend more time in his playroom (which was a makeshift storage space but will now be converted back to a bedroom), and well…I’m having a hard time dealing.


I guess we all want our babies to stay babies for as long as possible, not realizing how fast they grow up. I can actually recall the time I was looking at something on my phone, only to look up and see Bear had started crawling. I can vividly recall him cautiously taking his first steps (at almost midnight!) when he was just a little over 8 months. I still have the video of when he muttered his first words – Mama – when he was just 6 months.

Our Britax stroller hasn’t been used at all this year. We finally put away the Pack N’ Play, and will probably donate it. Many of Bear’s newborn and 2T clothing has been donated or boxed up and I still need to go through his 3T clothing.

And now I have a 3 1/2 year old in preschool, with friends. His own identity. He knows what he likes and doesn’t like. He has strong opinions. He has the most adorable laugh. He articulates very clearly. He becomes very shy around people he doesn’t know.

He’s growing up. I’m so proud and yet I feel, ‘Man, can you stay little for just a wee bit longer?’


My feelings aren’t alone. Many of my more experienced Mommy friends told me even when they have big kids or teens, they still feel the same way about their kids but they’re also very happy about who their children have become. That makes me feel better that I’m not alone in my feelings.

As I watch Bear play with yet another new toy and seeing him get so excited about his new garbage truck (review coming later), I cherish every single moment I have with him as he’s this small  because I know it won’t last forever.


All photos except for the selfie, were taken by my husband, Maks. Follow him on IG: @caliwinter. 

My Kid is Starting to Potty Train and I Can’t Deal


So, for the past year or so, we’ve been trying to get Bear to potty train. After putting him in school, his teachers revealed to us that he’ll do it when he’s ready and we can’t force it. So we didn’t. We bought special potty training books, a potty that’s currently collecting dust and might be given away when we do donations this weekend, and a special toilet seat.

Potty training can be quite expensive.

But we just waited. Whenever Bear felt he was ready, he would let us know. And he did in a big way.

One day, after we came home from the park, Bear took off his clothes and went potty on his own. No help needed. He did it again later that night! Huge! Very huge!

And yet, I’m in my emotions.


You see, I’ve grown quite accustomed to Bear being a baby, though I treat him like he’s a little adult. While a part of me is happy I might have purchased my last set of diapers for him, a part of me is also a bit saddened.

My baby boy is finally growing up.

I’m reminded of the constant, ‘I should’ve done this already‘ feeling. It’s something every angel parent has with their rainbow baby. You celebrate your child’s milestones but in the back of your mind, you think, ‘I should’ve done this already.’ Honestly, I will always have those feelings.

Bear’s still in diapers for the time being and doesn’t want to wear pull-ups quite yet. We do have underwear for him and he’s had a few accidents already but that’s to be expected. But he does know how to take off his diaper to go potty. He still is refusing to go poop but it’s small steps for now.


Of course, yes, this would be a prime time to have another baby. Maybe later this year, I’ll get pregnant again or whenever God feels like blessing us with another.

But for now, I’m going to enjoy having a healthy, active little man who doesn’t need help when he goes potty.