My Son Needs His Own Room…and I’m Slightly Freaking Out About It.

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It’s no secret Maks and I have co-slept with Bear since, well, birth. Not by choice, mind you. While he did sleep in his bassinet (and then crib), he always prefers sleeping with us. Plus, I was (am) breastfeeding at the time so it made sense to give him some boob as we (mainly he) slept.

Now, Bear is becoming a big boy. And big boys need their own rooms. And I’m slowly coming to terms with it.

You see, for the past three, almost four years, I’ve become quite used to my son being, well, a baby. Even as he’s potty-training, he’s still in diapers giving him the ‘baby’ feel. But he probably won’t be in diapers for much longer. And he’s started to spend more time in his playroom (which was a makeshift storage space but will now be converted back to a bedroom), and well…I’m having a hard time dealing.

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I guess we all want our babies to stay babies for as long as possible, not realizing how fast they grow up. I can actually recall the time I was looking at something on my phone, only to look up and see Bear had started crawling. I can vividly recall him cautiously taking his first steps (at almost midnight!) when he was just a little over 8 months. I still have the video of when he muttered his first words – Mama – when he was just 6 months.

Our Britax stroller hasn’t been used at all this year. We finally put away the Pack N’ Play, and will probably donate it. Many of Bear’s newborn and 2T clothing has been donated or boxed up and I still need to go through his 3T clothing.

And now I have a 3 1/2 year old in preschool, with friends. His own identity. He knows what he likes and doesn’t like. He has strong opinions. He has the most adorable laugh. He articulates very clearly. He becomes very shy around people he doesn’t know.

He’s growing up. I’m so proud and yet I feel, ‘Man, can you stay little for just a wee bit longer?’

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My feelings aren’t alone. Many of my more experienced Mommy friends told me even when they have big kids or teens, they still feel the same way about their kids but they’re also very happy about who their children have become. That makes me feel better that I’m not alone in my feelings.

As I watch Bear play with yet another new toy and seeing him get so excited about his new garbage truck (review coming later), I cherish every single moment I have with him as he’s this small  because I know it won’t last forever.

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All photos except for the selfie, were taken by my husband, Maks. Follow him on IG: @caliwinter. 

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