Waiting my turn…
That’s my theme for 2016. Waiting my turn. While that could apply to just about anything, it really applies to just one thing – pregnancy.
It seems like when you want to have a baby, all you see are pregnant tummies, people announcing their births, people announcing they’re expecting…
And then there’s me…with nothing.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my son and he’s my world. Every day is an adventure with him and I really cherish the time that it’s the two of us. I’ve been told by many having one kid is super easy and it becomes challenging when there’s two or more, which I believe. Babysitting my nephews when they were younger and picking them up from school, practice, etc., was a challenge and I was only the babysitter. I can’t imagine doing it when I was a mother back then.
I’ve always seen myself with a gaggle of kids. I come from a big family and I would like to have a extra-large medium of my own.
I have to wait my turn.
Remember my Fertile Myrtle cousin? Well, she just gave birth to the twins and although they’re in the NICU, they’re doing pretty well. As she celebrated her babies’ births, I was wondering, “Well, that sucks…she can have four kids under three and I’m stuck twiddling my thumbs.”
And then I thought…she has four kids under three…how jealous am I really?
You see, Bear is going to be 3 this year. I may have a baby by the time he’s born, I may be pregnant with one, or none of the above will occur. I just don’t know and furthermore, God isn’t saying anything. I don’t want to be so hung up in TTC that I forget I have a wonderful toddler…a single child who deserves all of my attention.
I started up my fitness again, walking 10 miles so far this week. The goal is 20 miles a week and something I did all last summer and fall before I took the Fat Break aka winter holidays. I’ve also cleared out the mind clutter and in the process of clearing out the physical clutter. So far, it’s made a huge difference. Maks and I plan to do a lot of traveling and I’m very excited about that and where we’re going.
So yeah, I am bummed I’m not pregnant yet but I’m excited I will be, I just don’t know when. I decided to pour all of my attention to Bear and my writing career as I patiently wait my turn.