Questioning my faith.
I think every religious and spiritual person questions their faith and what they believe in. It happens. You think you believe something until a moment makes you question everything you’ve ever known. Sometimes it makes people do away with religion altogether, sometimes it makes people change religions, sometimes it makes others become more secure in their beliefs.
I’m starting to wonder if I was told a lie all my life.
Yesterday, I was out with Bear during our weekly Target run. As we were leaving a store, I was approached by a so-called medium who spotted my “aura.” (She claimed it was so bright, she had to approach me…which is different from what she eventually told me…)
So, with a complimentary private reading, it started off decent enough. She told me I had a rather hard four years (and she’s right) and while I had an overall good life, I also had a lot of battles (which is also right). She said I was a rather strong individual until something happened and it shook my core, which is correct. Losing a child will fuck up the strongest individual. Even Mike Tyson said he has never been the same.
Then, it went awry from there. She proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong in my life and that someone put a hex on me and that was why I lost Ethan (I’m not the type to blow up or curse anyone out so if I seem calm, that’s why). First she said Ethan’s soul was in limbo (not in heaven, but not in hell) but then she said he was in Bear’s body. Well, bitch, which one is it? Is he in limbo or is in my new son?
Then she was like, ‘Your son was healthy and alive in your womb.’ Well, no shit, Sherlock! I know exactly how my son died and what role my body played in it. She made it seem like I had a still birth but I didn’t. Ethan was born alive.
She then asked if I was in the medical field, because I had such a caring nature but anyone who personally knows me, know I can’t stand the sight of blood. Hell, I can’t stand the sight of my blood and I hate needles with a passion (which is why I only have three tattoos and slow to work on my sleeve). She then said I need to have a evil cleansing session to rid myself of all of the evil in my life.
I abruptly ended the session because Bear was getting antsy and I was just tired of someone telling me what was wrong in my life. People are so quick to tell you what’s wrong but not telling you what you’re doing right. Go figure.
I’ve always believed in mediums and clairvoyants. I do believe there are those who have a gift and can truly help others. I also believe those do not use their gifts for profits. For a long while, I was contemplating seeing one because I wanted to talk to Ethan and see how he’s doing in heaven.
But now my faith is shaken. Obviously, that lady was full of shit but now I’m wondering does heaven and hell exist? Does God exist? Is something I was taught all my life really just a crock of shit?
I listen to Joel Osteen’s podcast every week and he’s my favorite pastor. I honestly feel he speaks to me whenever he preaches. Now I’m not sure if I want to listen to what he has to say. Is he another charlatan? Are all of them?
I don’t know what to believe anymore. What a way to start 2016, huh? 😦