Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness #4: When People Don’t Acknowledge Your Loss

October marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness (PAIL) month. Over the course of this month, I’ll feature a series of posts dedicated to this month. It’s a bittersweet month for me. Sweet because it’s my birthday month, bitter because I’m reminded of my lost babies (not that I ever forget them).

People respond differently to tragedies. Some buckle down and get stronger. Some get weaker. When a woman suddenly loses her pregnancy or infant, I feel that’s when the true friends and family show their colors.

But how do you react when someone refuses to acknowledge your loss?


It’s tricky and honestly, it really depends on your relationship with that person. If it’s a casual friend, you probably won’t be affected or care. If it’s a close person such as family or a long-term friendship, you might have a different (and possibly visceral) reaction. I know from experience, I had a lifelong friend who pretty much ignored what happened or didn’t think it was that serious. Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore and I’m not quite sure if we’ll ever repair that friendship.

On the flip side, I had someone who didn’t acknowledge my loss and acted very strangely towards me. She recently reached out and we’re in the process of repairing our friendship. My brother didn’t acknowledge my loss until years later and that really changed the dynamic of our relationship. We’re definitely not as close as we used to be.

What is the best course of action?

It’s really a case-by-case or I should say, person-by-person type of deal. You have to assess your relationship with that person and see if it’s a relationship worth savaging. Some people you have to stay away from – just for your own sanity – while others, you can be cordial and respectful without necessarily turning it into a Jerry Springer show.

The next post in my PAIL series will focus on the different ways you can acknowledge and remember your angel.


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