Stranger in Moscow

I thought long and hard about this post, debating if I really want to type it since I practically just typed a similar post last year. Then I thought about the circumstances and how I really felt.

The Mike Brown tragedy affected me more than it should and that’s just because it happens so often. Too often. It seems every few months now, we’re hearing a story about an unarmed Black men being killed by someone in law enforcement or who is supposed to protect us. The very people who are supposed to protect us, are killing us. One by one.

I’m afraid; I’ll just come out and say it, I’m very afraid for Bo and his future brothers. I’m afraid for my brothers, my cousins, my nephews, my friends, my uncles. I’m afraid of getting a phone call that no relative wants to hear and receive. I’m afraid of my initial reaction if it does occur.

This is my new reality. How am I going to talk to Bo about what he should do when he’s approached by the police? How should he behave when he thinks he’s being unlawfully detained? Will my son stay light-skinned or when he finally does become darker, do I need to sit him down and have the ‘you’re going to be followed and become a primary suspect even though you probably didn’t do anything’ talk?

Why should I have that talk? That sucks.

dontshoot

It’s something my White friends can’t relate. As a minority, we’re taught from a young age that we have to work twice as hard for half of the recognition. That we will always be considered less than humane, no matter what accomplishments we have. That no matter how many friends we have from the rainbow, there will be some people who just won’t get it. And I don’t expect them to.

My son is going to face challenges when he gets older. Will he relate more to his Black heritage than his Ukrainian? Will he be accepted as a Black man? Will he consider himself biracial? Those are small thoughts. My concerns are different:

Is my son going to be okay walking to school by himself?

Can I send Yoda to the store without wondering if he’s going to make it back?

The thoughts have kept me up more that they should. I’ve spent much time on twitter trying to get as much information about what’s really happening in Ferguson since my local news would rather talk about the beach waves than any social injustice.

I can’t worry too much about the future now and can only concentrate and focus on the present. I can only hope and pray. That’s all I can do for now. Hope and pray.

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