Secret

The interesting thing about keeping a secret is wondering how long you can keep it for before either: 1) someone finds out, or 2) you explode and you have to share it with someone.

Because of our late loss with Ethan, M and I decided to keep my pregnancy with Yoda a secret and not reveal until the birth. Now, it’s not to say no one knows; actually, it’s the contrary. A lot of people know – our families, close friends, my April moms, my November moms, my IC (incompetent cervix) moms. That’s quite a few if you think about it. Well, into 100-200 people at least. So technically speaking, my pregnancy is an open- secret. Everyone (mostly) knows about it, but no one is saying anything out of respect. We chose not to do any big announcements on Facebook or other type of social media just because we’re both very private. And truth to be told, we can’t tell which of our friends truly care for us and which ones are the gossips. They both intertwine at times.

I thought I would be uncomfortable keeping this pregnancy a secret, thinking by doing so I would somehow jinx it. Of course, you can’t jinx a pregnancy but that’s my PgAL (Pregnant After a Loss) brain thinking. It’s an interesting thing, being pregnant again after a late loss. You’re never totally comfortable with the idea of being pregnant because there’s a small part of you always wondering if something will go wrong. I’m “lucky” that my loss only occurred midway through my pregnancy. I know many women who had later losses than me.

My recovery from the cerclage is going well. My spotting has almost stopped and the pain in my back from the spinal is gone. I’m almost done with my medication and I’m looking forward to my follow-up appointment on Friday so I can learn what my restrictions are. I hate the idea of staying home all the time but I have to look at the bright side – I’m not on strict bed rest and I can move around my house. Of course, the only two places I can be at is the sofa (living room) and bed (bedroom) with exceptions to the refrigerator (kitchen) and toilet (bathroom). M and I were prepared for it. He got me a bunch of movies and I have a ton of books on my kindle. Plus, I can still blog and write so boredom isn’t a killer. Still, I am going a little cuckoo over being stuck in the house.

CocoaPuffs1

 

Soon, I’ll start posting bump pics because I’m sure you’re curious. I was going to post the comparison pics of Yoda and Ethan but I don’t know. That might be too personal even for me to blog about. But tomorrow will be the first bump pic of me, post cerclage! Yay!

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