Tag: miscarriage

Ethan, Meet the Blussians

Happy Birthday, angel

Celebrating Ethan this year was different. I didn't cry as much as I used to (I'll get to that in a minute)It s, but the impact of his loss was still the same. After putting it off for so long, I finally decided next year, I'm going to get Ethan his grave marker. You're probably wondering why so long since it's been several years (seven to be exact). Well, a
Ethan, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

One Sweet Day

It's weird knowing six years ago, I gave birth to one of the most beautiful children I'd ever seen. It's equally weird that I buried him just days later. Ethan, had I carried him to term, would've been five this year. He would've entered kindergarten. As other April 2012 mothers celebrated and posted pictures of their kids' first day in kindergarten, I wondered what could've been. You see, it's different with
Meet the Blussians, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Series

I know I'm late in the game posting about this and honestly, I was wondering if I should. Don't get me wrong - I'm not 'over' anything, rather I want to make a post that will consolidate everything into one. It's been a so-so month for me, emotionally-wise. I haven't felt like I was in the dumps but I haven't felt 100%. Fall is usually tricky like that. It's my
Ethan, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Does Painful Loss Really Get Any Easier Over Time?

October marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and every October for the past few years, I've dedicated the entire month to posting about my experiences with loss and helping other people in similar situations. As I'm preparing for the upcoming month, which is also my birthday month, I'm constantly reminded of fall. You see, I used to love fall and I still do in some ways. I mean, hello,
Ethan, Pregnancy, Pregnant After a Late Loss, Pregnant After a Loss

What Happens When Your Child Asks About Their Deceased Sibling?

Most parents are concerned about emotional and physical development when it comes to their children - when's the right time to talk about the birds and the bees? How to handle menstruation concerns? How to deal with male puberty? Some parents take it a step further and try to map out their child's financial future - will there be enough money for college? Do we have enough savings? Are they
Ethan, Mommy Commentary

Why Mother’s Day is Still Difficult for Me

[caption id="attachment_1210" align="alignnone" width="2304"] First Mother's Day with Bear.[/caption] Over the last two weeks, I've been bombarded with Mother's Day as I'm sure the rest of the country, if not world. Mother's Day sale here. Mother's Day deals there. Mother's Day in my inbox. Mother's Day when I turn on the TV. Mother's Day. Mother's Day. Mother's Day. (For a surprising history of lesson of how it got started, click here.) I
Ethan, Meet the Blussians

I Should Have a Four Year Old

I should be planning a birthday party. I should make sure the cake is made just right. It might be Paw Patrol one. It might be Thomas & Friends. I should have the numerous gifts picked out because although Christmas was just a short time ago, a birthday only comes once a year. I should have local Mom friends who I regularly meet for coffee because we met at the
Ethan, Yoda

Don’t Cry

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRIbf6JqkNc&w=420&h=315] It gets better but it's still pretty shitty. For those new to the blog, I'll share this with you: over four years ago, I lost my firstborn, Ethan, due to incompetent/insufficient cervix. That means, my cervix shortened before term and since Ethan was just a few days short of viability, he couldn't be saved. He lived two hours and peacefully died in my arms with my husband nearby. That
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness: How to Honor Your Angel

October marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness (PAIL) month. Over the course of this month, I’ll feature a series of posts dedicated to this month. It’s a bittersweet month for me. Sweet because it’s my birthday month, bitter because I’m reminded of my lost babies (not that I ever forget them). This marks the final post in the PAIL series for this month. I'm going to talk about the different