Tag: late-term pregnancy loss

Ethan

Ethan’s 9th Heavenly Birthday

Every year, it seems the time Ethan was on Earth becomes a distant memory. Yet, every year, I'm constantly reminded of what isn't and what could've been. It's a weird conundrum. I want to remember everything about my son, but I also don't want to remember the hurt and pain of it all. And it sucks. I'm not going to lie and say it's been an easy road. The
Meet the Blussians

What It’s Really Like To Survive The Death of Your Baby

Weird. That's really all I can muster. It's weird. Not a bad weird. Definitely not a good weird. Not weird. There's a hole within you that will never close. Sometimes it gets bigger and overwhelming. Sometimes it returns back to size. But it never closes. It never heals. It's just kinda...there. I lost Ethan seven years ago and I had Bear five years ago. I still feel someone, something is missing from
Ethan, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

One Sweet Day

It's weird knowing six years ago, I gave birth to one of the most beautiful children I'd ever seen. It's equally weird that I buried him just days later. Ethan, had I carried him to term, would've been five this year. He would've entered kindergarten. As other April 2012 mothers celebrated and posted pictures of their kids' first day in kindergarten, I wondered what could've been. You see, it's different with
Ethan

Ethan

The build-up to his birthday is always the hardest. This year has been incredibly difficult because having a preschooler is one more reminder of what could've been and what currently isn't. I know it may sound weird and I don't sound like I'm grateful for Bear, but I am. I thank God every day for Bear. But I also wish Bear had his big brother. The pain of losing a
Meet the Blussians, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Series

I know I'm late in the game posting about this and honestly, I was wondering if I should. Don't get me wrong - I'm not 'over' anything, rather I want to make a post that will consolidate everything into one. It's been a so-so month for me, emotionally-wise. I haven't felt like I was in the dumps but I haven't felt 100%. Fall is usually tricky like that. It's my
Ethan, Pregnancy, Pregnant After a Late Loss, Pregnant After a Loss

What Happens When Your Child Asks About Their Deceased Sibling?

Most parents are concerned about emotional and physical development when it comes to their children - when's the right time to talk about the birds and the bees? How to handle menstruation concerns? How to deal with male puberty? Some parents take it a step further and try to map out their child's financial future - will there be enough money for college? Do we have enough savings? Are they
Ethan, Mommy Commentary

Why Mother’s Day is Still Difficult for Me

[caption id="attachment_1210" align="alignnone" width="2304"] First Mother's Day with Bear.[/caption] Over the last two weeks, I've been bombarded with Mother's Day as I'm sure the rest of the country, if not world. Mother's Day sale here. Mother's Day deals there. Mother's Day in my inbox. Mother's Day when I turn on the TV. Mother's Day. Mother's Day. Mother's Day. (For a surprising history of lesson of how it got started, click here.) I
Ethan, Yoda

Don’t Cry

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRIbf6JqkNc&w=420&h=315] It gets better but it's still pretty shitty. For those new to the blog, I'll share this with you: over four years ago, I lost my firstborn, Ethan, due to incompetent/insufficient cervix. That means, my cervix shortened before term and since Ethan was just a few days short of viability, he couldn't be saved. He lived two hours and peacefully died in my arms with my husband nearby. That