Tag: late-term loss

Ethan

Ethan’s 9th Heavenly Birthday

Every year, it seems the time Ethan was on Earth becomes a distant memory. Yet, every year, I'm constantly reminded of what isn't and what could've been. It's a weird conundrum. I want to remember everything about my son, but I also don't want to remember the hurt and pain of it all. And it sucks. I'm not going to lie and say it's been an easy road. The
Ethan, Mommy Commentary

Celebrating Ethan

Eight years ago, my firstborn, Ethan, was born prematurely at just under 23 weeks. He only lived for two hours on December 13, 2011. This year, celebrating his memory has been rather quiet, almost muted. It's not that we don't care anymore; we'll always care, love, and celebrate our baby. It's more of a quiet reflection. As 2019 is drawing to a close, and a brand new decade is
Ethan, Meet the Blussians

Happy Birthday, angel

Celebrating Ethan this year was different. I didn't cry as much as I used to (I'll get to that in a minute)It s, but the impact of his loss was still the same. After putting it off for so long, I finally decided next year, I'm going to get Ethan his grave marker. You're probably wondering why so long since it's been several years (seven to be exact). Well, a
Meet the Blussians

What It’s Really Like To Survive The Death of Your Baby

Weird. That's really all I can muster. It's weird. Not a bad weird. Definitely not a good weird. Not weird. There's a hole within you that will never close. Sometimes it gets bigger and overwhelming. Sometimes it returns back to size. But it never closes. It never heals. It's just kinda...there. I lost Ethan seven years ago and I had Bear five years ago. I still feel someone, something is missing from
Ethan, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

One Sweet Day

It's weird knowing six years ago, I gave birth to one of the most beautiful children I'd ever seen. It's equally weird that I buried him just days later. Ethan, had I carried him to term, would've been five this year. He would've entered kindergarten. As other April 2012 mothers celebrated and posted pictures of their kids' first day in kindergarten, I wondered what could've been. You see, it's different with
Ethan

Ethan

The build-up to his birthday is always the hardest. This year has been incredibly difficult because having a preschooler is one more reminder of what could've been and what currently isn't. I know it may sound weird and I don't sound like I'm grateful for Bear, but I am. I thank God every day for Bear. But I also wish Bear had his big brother. The pain of losing a
Meet the Blussians, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Series

I know I'm late in the game posting about this and honestly, I was wondering if I should. Don't get me wrong - I'm not 'over' anything, rather I want to make a post that will consolidate everything into one. It's been a so-so month for me, emotionally-wise. I haven't felt like I was in the dumps but I haven't felt 100%. Fall is usually tricky like that. It's my
Ethan, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Does Painful Loss Really Get Any Easier Over Time?

October marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and every October for the past few years, I've dedicated the entire month to posting about my experiences with loss and helping other people in similar situations. As I'm preparing for the upcoming month, which is also my birthday month, I'm constantly reminded of fall. You see, I used to love fall and I still do in some ways. I mean, hello,
Ethan, Pregnancy, Pregnant After a Late Loss, Pregnant After a Loss

What Happens When Your Child Asks About Their Deceased Sibling?

Most parents are concerned about emotional and physical development when it comes to their children - when's the right time to talk about the birds and the bees? How to handle menstruation concerns? How to deal with male puberty? Some parents take it a step further and try to map out their child's financial future - will there be enough money for college? Do we have enough savings? Are they