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So, my post was straight to the point, wasn’t it?
My husband, Maks, is Ukrainian. He migrated to the U.S. back in 1997 and became a citizen a year before we met in 2008. We’ve been together since 2008, married since 2010, and have had two children, three cats, but no, no partridge in a pear tree.
We’ve undergone a lot of challenges in our relationship – the constant ‘Wait, how did you meet?’ question whenever people ask about our marriage (we met in a Palm Springs bar), and how we teach Bear to be proud of both his Black and Ukrainian heritage.
While Maks does have Russian heritage, he has always identified as being Ukrainian as it says on his birth certificate.
So, you can imagine back in February 2022, we kinda got the shock of our lives when Russia and Putin decided they were going to make a spectacularly bad decision and invade Ukraine. Again.
I’m not going to lie – seeing my husband’s home country being ripped to shreds on social media and on TV was not a good feeling. Even writing about this topic gives me heart palpitations. Going to different rallies, gathering support for Ukraine, and constantly checking in on relatives and friends there is not something I consider a good time.
Especially since this was on the heels of the BLM/George Floyd protests back in 2020, in addition to the global pandemic…it wasn’t a fun time in our household. And still kinda isn’t.
You see, Maks is solely supporting Ukraine, and duh, why wouldn’t he? He’s from there, he’s fluent in Ukrainian, and he has a lot of family and friends there. His parents, however, have been staunch Putin supporters.
Yeah, you see where this is going.
Now to be fair, my in-laws have always been on the wrong side of everything so this is really par for the course. After all, they believe all stereotypes of everyone, they’re anti-Semitic, and have proven to be racist as shit. So, why wouldn’t they support Russia?
And of course, they totally think any woman their sons date has to be a negative influence because well, when they were living under their roof, they followed orders and didn’t fight back.
As the war drags on and Putin still isn’t fucking dead, to say the tension between our household and my in-laws has gotten better is like saying the atomic bomb was just a little firework. However, I’ve learned my lesson with arguing with people who just want to fight – it’s best to keep silent and walk away than to give them any type of attention and amno.
Never argue with an idiot – they’ll just beat you down with experience.
So, how do we manage? Well, it’s rather simple – we don’t talk about it. It’s my in-laws who constantly try to bait but since they’re both in their 60’s (and they don’t have any friends, hobbies, and barely are in contact with the relatives they do have), there’s no point. However, their insistence they’re always right has made us become more activists in our right.
We support Ukrainian businesses.
We donate to a variety of Ukrainian causes.
(And before anyone gets slick with it, we also do the same for Black-owned businesses and causes.)
We also incorporate a lot of Ukrainian tradition in our household and life. Bear is very proud to be a Black Ukrainian and he’ll tell you he is.
And because of the Russian invasion, it has forced me to change my blog from Meet the Blussians to Ksenfully Good, a play on my last name. I’m not complaining – Ksenfully Good covers more variety of topics and it’s not specifically me-based. Win-win, honestly.
While there is still an air of nervousness and a few sleepless nights, we unfortunately have gotten used to the war. We hope it will end soon, but we also know soon could be another year or another decade.
So, what about the in-laws? How’s that relationship? Well, same.
They rarely come over and Bear and I rarely make appearances at their home and it’s for the best. I literally only see them twice a year, maybe, despite how close they are to us. Sometimes, you can forgive people for only so much before you realize some people aren’t just worth the time and energy. Some people will try to waste both of yours and it’s better to protect your peace.
As people age, the more they become more rooted into their thoughts, beliefs, and ways. I hope my in-laws will see the error of their ways but I doubt that’ll happen anytime soon or ever. Until then, I’ll stay fly, free, and at peace.
