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It’s taken me a long time to come to this conclusion but I have to call trash when I see it.
This past week, I made a trip to Palm Springs to help out my parents as my mother recovered from a Covid-19 symptom procedure. While I was in Palm Springs, my brother and his youngest son came over. Long story short, my brother wanted me to watch his son as he played with mine, and I told I wouldn’t do it without monetary compensation. (The reason for this decision is because brother has taken advantage of in the past and I wanted to put a stop to bad habits.)
An argument ensued, and I was so incensed, I ended up leaving Palm Springs altogether (he felt it was perfectly okay that his 10-year-old son watched my 7-year-old son alone as he’d done it numerous times with his own children. I told y’all he was trash panda.) I talked to my parents later about what happened and they were sorry it happened but also told me not to let my brother get to me like he does since he has a tendency of getting on everyone’s nerves, including his own children.
As I calmed down and thought about everything, I felt guilty about leaving my parents the way I did since I did promise them I would help a lot and made plans to come back down in a couple of weeks to essentially finish what I started. I then thought about my brother and thought about everything about his behavior from destroying cars, property (he destroyed an entire home and it was our grandmother’s home), and even lives.
I then thought – why did I defend him as long as I did?
I tried to put my brother in the ‘Not all Black men…’ category for years. He has some good qualities about him and he can make friends with everyone he meets in any place he goes to. He is also the proverbial black sheep in the family. He just doesn’t care about anyone that’s not him, and that even means his children.
And it’s not the first time we’ve butted heads about his behavior. I tried to take it easy this year because my brother is 45 and he’s already had two health emergencies – a stroke, and gallbladder removal surgery. Based on our family history, he might have another stroke again and who knows the severity of that one would be.
Yet, he’s not nicer. Our parents are aging and have a host of health problems each, and he’s not over there to help; it’s our sister doing all of the heavy lifting. He entertains other women as he lives with his first baby mama (that’s right, first; there’s at least one more that we know of) and I just wondered…why was I defending trash for so long?
I chalk it up to being a Black woman. At a young age, we’re taught not all Black men are bad and some are just bad apples. Some might be colorful, but they’re not bad. Some might be brutally honest, but they’re not bad. As a result, those Black men get coddled while the Black girls who grow up to be Black women, get even more scrutinized.
So, I wondered…why do I bother? It’s not like his children have looked at him and decided to go into a different direction – they’re following his Ain’t Shit footsteps. His first baby mama is no better and honestly, if my brother is the trash, she’s the trash collector.
I know deep down it’s because I ultimately care, but I still don’t understand how my brother can be such fucking garbage. Like I legitimately do not like this dude, and I’m not sure if I would be that upset when he finally does have a debilitating stroke that’ll either kill him or make him even more useless as he is.
Either way, I have to tolerate him until that day comes. With the way he takes care of himself (or lack thereof), that day will come sooner than later. And when it does happen, I will only say is that I tried as best as I could but some people…some people just don’t want to be loved; they want to destroy.
