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Over the weekend, the world was shocked to learn of the sudden passing of actor Chadwick Boseman. He was a magnificent talent and just an all-around good guy. We were astounded to learn how he made some of his greatest work as he battled a very aggressive form of colon cancer.
As I sat in both amazement and grief, I was truly impressed by Chadwick’s team. Those who knew of his diagnosis and illness, kept it private. Not even directors he’d worked with or friends knew. And I am so glad that TMZ wasn’t the first to break the news of a Black celebrity dying like they love to do.
Chadwick’s team made me wonder about my own circle – were there people in my private circle who I could trust enough they wouldn’t be telling my business or selling it to the highest bidder?
I had to think about that.
Everyone has ride-or-dies. We have friend soulmates. We have people we can count on when shit hits the fan. You call these people when you need an extra hand in moving. These are people you share your successes and losses with. These people can put you in check when needed.
These people would honor you in death just as they would in life.
I thought about my circle of friends. I have a lot of associates but really, I have only 6-7 close friends at most and I think a lot of people can say that. You know many people but very few actually know you.
Now, I need to keep it one hundred here – do I honestly think all 7 friends of mine can keep a tightly-guarded secret? Probably not. I already know at least two of them wouldn’t wait to share the news with other friends or even their spouses and children. They usually get news of what I’m doing last because of that.
It’s not because they’re mean-spirited; some are so tickled, happy, or sad about your news, they have to share it with someone. Next thing you know, someone you don’t know or you’re not that close with, is telling everyone what you did a week ago before you have a chance to announce it on your own terms.
Not so cool and honestly, it’s a dick move.
I’ve had friends betray me. I would share them news in confidence, only for them to share it with their parents, their sisters, and other friends and family members. Sometimes, laughing at my expense. I wondered, why are we friends when you clearly hate my ass?
I think back to my pregnancy with Bear and how only a certain few only knew of it. They kept their word until I was ready to say something. I don’t know think they knew how much that meant to me to have them be so private and protective about me.
I hope they would do the same again.
Life is precious and it’s too short to waste. I decided I’m not going to bicker or beef with anyone anymore (not that I ever did, but now I really don’t have a use for it). If I don’t trust you, there’s a reason for it. If I love you, there’s no reason for it.
Now some people in your inner circle won’t fit the criteria of trustworthiness and that’s okay. Trust is earned, not given. You don’t need to be petty about why you don’t want them to have your news. You do need to ask yourself if the person is trustworthy enough? The answer might be much harder than you think.
You also might find yourself to be on the outside of someone else’s circle and that’s perfectly fine as well. Just as you want someone to respect your wishes, you need to respect theirs.
It doesn’t mean that person has beef with you or you did something that would cause them to give pause. They might have had a tight circle of people they only wanted to share news with and you weren’t a part of that. It doesn’t mean they love you less or didn’t love you at all. It just meant their privacy meant more.
I pray for Chadwick’s family and friends, as well as his many friends all around the world. He was our King. He represented the culture. He chose roles on his terms. He lived on his terms. He died on his terms.
His friends and family protected him as he accomplished so much as he fighting the biggest battle of his life. They’re protecting him, still, in death. Honestly, we all need that type of royal treatment.
Rest in Power, King Chadwick. #WakandaForever
