As time gets closer to the delivery, so has the anxiety. Namely, transportation.
Some background information – M doesn’t have his license. M has never had his license, like ever. He has had his fair share of permits (which we’ll get to later). M has been in a few car accidents which I believe, has soured his want to drive. He was the passenger in all of them.
Ever since we’ve been together, I’ve always drove. Always. For a while, it was a deal in a sense – he pays for gas, I’ll drive. No problem. But when he stopped paying for gas, it became an issue. Not to mention, I was the only one paying for anything involving the car – payments, insurance, maintenance, etc. So you can probably imagine it became a bit of an issue where not only was the responsibility of the car on me, but I was also channeling my inner Morgan Freeman a la Driving Ms. Daisy. At the time, I was working and commuting full-time so I really didn’t want to do that and be my husband’s transportation during the weekends. Driving is only fun when you want to do it and not when you have to.
It’s an argument we’ve had for the past five years since we’ve been together and I have tried since we’ve dated, for him to get licensed. My guess would probably be never. I have offered a variety of solutions, including one that he should probably talk to a therapist because it sounded like he had a case of PTSD. None of the solutions have worked. Because my car isn’t currently in operation (it needs some serious fixing), I do believe that gives him an excuse to not be licensed. Let’s face it – if a car isn’t running, why get licensed? However, one could make the argument you could get a rental if transportation is an issue (which we have).
M knows how to drive so that’s not an issue. He has gone to driving school. He has driven my car on a rare occasion so it’s not lack of practice. It’s lack of want. We’ve had some pretty nasty, blown-up arguments about this issue. It’s not so much M doesn’t have his license. It is what it is. What is bothersome, however, is the he knows how much of an issue this has been and he knows how much of a burden it does cause. You see, if I put M on my car insurance, it’ll go up because he’s unlicensed. Why should I have to pay extra because my husband doesn’t want to get his license? Therefore, he can’t drive our car for that reason. He drives the car and gets into an accident, the insurance won’t cover it.
Here’s the reason why this is a really big issue now: At the beginning of the pregnancy, I asked M point-blank, if he was going to get his license. I told him as the pregnancy progresses, things are starting to cost more (doctor’s visits), I probably won’t be in the mood to do much walking, and I need to plan on getting the car fixed so he’ll be able to drive me to the hospital. He told me yes. It was probably at the halfway point I realized, not only was that not going to happen but he wasn’t making an effort. He did score yet another driving permit. Yes, we’re playing collect the driving permits. He got his permit back in August. It’s now October. Although my OB thinks I might have a vaginal birth now, there’s still the possibility of me having a C-section, which means, I won’t be able to drive for weeks. You see where I’m getting at? Oh, by the way, this issue also came up when I was pregnant with Ethan. This is not a new argument.
He doesn’t want to admit he’s not ever planning to get licensed. I told him to his face, ‘If you admit you have no intention of getting your license, I would give you a lot more respect’ and he remains steadfast that he will. I’m curious to see how more patient he expects me to be. I have told him several times I’m waiting for the day where he pisses me off so bad, I’ll leave his ass on the side of the freeway and he can figure out how to get home. That almost occurred one time. I love my husband, don’t get me wrong, but I really feel his flippant attitude towards being licensed and helping me out is a straight-up dick move. I hate that he always gives me a blanket, ‘I’ll get my license’ answer but no timetable. Well, in that case, I plan to win the lottery. I plan to lose 50 pounds. I plan to travel the world. Yeah, it sounds great because I don’t know when those things will happen and therefore, one can easily say they’re bullshit statements.
Today, however, I did have an epiphany of sorts. I started reading Joel Osteen’s, “Every Day is a Friday” and it’s really helped me to have a positive outlook no matter how pissed off I can be. Joel mentioned in the book, an argument he’s had with his wife about leaving the lights on when they were about to head out. She’s always left the lights on and it always drove him nuts. It was an argument they’ve had for years. It finally occurred to him one day, the argument wasn’t worth it. Why put so much energy into that argument when you have the entire relationship to enjoy? Is that one thing worth ruining a relationship?
That’s pretty much how I feel about M’s whole license issue. It annoys the shit out of me; it really does. It has caused more stress, burden, and drama than it should have. We probably would’ve gone on more road trips and long-distance drives if he were licensed so we can both share in the driving duties. Money was never an issue. I don’t expect him to drive the new car when we get it, neither. In fact, I will make a bet he won’t.
But other than the driving refusal, is M a bad person? No, he’s actually pretty damn great. He’s the love of my life and everyone he has come in contact with, just loves him. He’s been a great husband, a great provider, and I expect he’ll be a great father to Yoda when he arrives. I’ve come to terms that there are some things that aren’t worth the headache or heartache over, no matter how much it drives you batty. I’m officially letting go of this argument and walking away from it. It is what it is.
I have to look at the bigger picture and focus on that. 🙂