Category: Ethan

Ethan

Ethan’s Heavenly 11th Birthday

It's so weird to type this out. And every year, it gets weirder. I say weird because there's really no other way to describe it. I should have a 5th grader. I should be playing referee between Ethan and Bear. I should be wracking my brain for gifts for both boys. Instead, I'm mourning one and celebrating the other. Well, that's not entirely true. I celebrate Ethan every chance
Ethan

Ethan’s 9th Heavenly Birthday

Every year, it seems the time Ethan was on Earth becomes a distant memory. Yet, every year, I'm constantly reminded of what isn't and what could've been. It's a weird conundrum. I want to remember everything about my son, but I also don't want to remember the hurt and pain of it all. And it sucks. I'm not going to lie and say it's been an easy road. The
Ethan, Mommy Commentary

Celebrating Ethan

Eight years ago, my firstborn, Ethan, was born prematurely at just under 23 weeks. He only lived for two hours on December 13, 2011. This year, celebrating his memory has been rather quiet, almost muted. It's not that we don't care anymore; we'll always care, love, and celebrate our baby. It's more of a quiet reflection. As 2019 is drawing to a close, and a brand new decade is
Ethan, Meet the Blussians

Happy Birthday, angel

Celebrating Ethan this year was different. I didn't cry as much as I used to (I'll get to that in a minute)It s, but the impact of his loss was still the same. After putting it off for so long, I finally decided next year, I'm going to get Ethan his grave marker. You're probably wondering why so long since it's been several years (seven to be exact). Well, a
Ethan, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

One Sweet Day

It's weird knowing six years ago, I gave birth to one of the most beautiful children I'd ever seen. It's equally weird that I buried him just days later. Ethan, had I carried him to term, would've been five this year. He would've entered kindergarten. As other April 2012 mothers celebrated and posted pictures of their kids' first day in kindergarten, I wondered what could've been. You see, it's different with
Ethan

Why Picking Out Your Son's Grave Marker Really Sucks

Ethan died five years ago and this is something most people who follow me know. I haven't been shy in my grief, and I make it a point to let everyone know I had a son before Bear. What a lot of people don't know is that we haven't purchased a grave marker for Ethan. It's complicated. It really has nothing to do with money nor time. It's the finality of
Ethan

Ethan

The build-up to his birthday is always the hardest. This year has been incredibly difficult because having a preschooler is one more reminder of what could've been and what currently isn't. I know it may sound weird and I don't sound like I'm grateful for Bear, but I am. I thank God every day for Bear. But I also wish Bear had his big brother. The pain of losing a
Ethan, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Does Painful Loss Really Get Any Easier Over Time?

October marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and every October for the past few years, I've dedicated the entire month to posting about my experiences with loss and helping other people in similar situations. As I'm preparing for the upcoming month, which is also my birthday month, I'm constantly reminded of fall. You see, I used to love fall and I still do in some ways. I mean, hello,
Ethan, Pregnancy, Pregnant After a Late Loss, Pregnant After a Loss

What Happens When Your Child Asks About Their Deceased Sibling?

Most parents are concerned about emotional and physical development when it comes to their children - when's the right time to talk about the birds and the bees? How to handle menstruation concerns? How to deal with male puberty? Some parents take it a step further and try to map out their child's financial future - will there be enough money for college? Do we have enough savings? Are they
Ethan, Mommy Commentary

Why Mother’s Day is Still Difficult for Me

[caption id="attachment_1210" align="alignnone" width="2304"] First Mother's Day with Bear.[/caption] Over the last two weeks, I've been bombarded with Mother's Day as I'm sure the rest of the country, if not world. Mother's Day sale here. Mother's Day deals there. Mother's Day in my inbox. Mother's Day when I turn on the TV. Mother's Day. Mother's Day. Mother's Day. (For a surprising history of lesson of how it got started, click here.) I