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I debated writing this blog post because I had to think to myself on a scale of Cleveland Bus Driver to Chris Brown, how upset was I really? Now, I wouldn’t get violent, per se. It actually takes a lot for me to be violent with anyone. But you know that feeling like you could just slap the shit out of someone?
Yeah.
My neighbors, Sophie and Andy, are really trash pandas. And it’s funny because they both come from privileged backgrounds and they both have money. And yet, these fools have no home training. Like they don’t know what it’s like to be respectful to neighbors at all?
I kinda wonder…were they raised by wolves? I mean bitches can produce ungrateful brats, so maybe that’s it?
Honestly, it’s been a growing problem. There’s this weird tension I felt and I couldn’t understand why. I mind my own business. I barely leave my house during the day because I’m so busy. And when I’m gone, I’m usually gone for hours doing a variety of errands. I barely interact with them. I burn my sage, play my R&B music, and write. I’m chill.
So yeah, it takes a lot for me to get upset. I’m one of those people when I see something upsetting, I usually roll my eyes and keep it pushing. Not that it doesn’t bother me but as you get older, you decide what’s really worth saying something, and what’s ‘keep it moving’ worthy.
I decided to finally say something and I was polite about it.
I took out my garbage and recycling because I had a lot. I left it out as I was still gathering more trash (because with multiple cats and a young child, there’s always more trash). As I emptied out more, I was unpleasantly surprised to see so much of my neighbor’s bullshit in my trash and my recycling.
Yeah. Really not cool. And why would they think I wouldn’t notice? My house is cleaner than theirs! I tend to notice if someone was messing with anything of mine, including garbage.
And what’s worse about this is that the garbage comes by several times a week. We live near several apartment complexes, so there’s a garbage truck five days a week on our block. The garbage men usually park one of the garbage bins in front of our home. So it’s not like they haven’t had opportunity…
Now, I don’t mind if they had no room in theirs and wanted to use the extra space in ours. But to not ask at all? That’s mad disrespectful AF. That’s what I like to call white trash panda.
Now, I am saying it like that because my neighbors are white and just calling them trash pandas isn’t just enough. What’s fascinating is that they both come from privileged backgrounds – both of their parents would be considered California rich (which is a different rich from Idaho rich or Florida rich).
So, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by their attitude. Looking at the front of their home, you wouldn’t think people from their backgrounds live there. It really looks run through. Andy has yet to update the tags on his car, which I’m assuming it’s out of sheer laziness and not lack of money (complexion for the protection). And I have a sneaky suspicion they’re both lowkey functioning alcoholics, allegedly. Just a thought.
Instead of being super Angry Black Bitch on them, I decided to kill them with kindness:
And trust, a sista was gritting her teeth as I sent that message.
I needed to figure these fools out because I couldn’t understand how they were nice enough but seemingly had no fucking clue as to how to act. Did their parents not love them enough? Were they dropped on their heads as children?
Y’all don’t understand…we’ve taken in their packages when they weren’t home so it wouldn’t be stolen. We’ve helped them get inside when they were locked out. We’ve shared food. I’ve given them free products when I had an overfill. Are you see what I’m saying?
And they still gonna be disrespectful assholes?
Why do white people think it’s so fucking okay to be that damn disrespectful and think I wouldn’t say anything? I’m not one of those Nice ‘Yes Ma’am, No Sir, I’ll Shine Ya Shoes Real Good, Massa!’ Negroes. Maybe I should’ve Chris Brown’d them. Or pretend they’re Black men and I’m the police.
After consulting with Dr. Google, I did get my answer of the Five Types of Bad Neighbors and lo and behold, Sophie and Andy fit two of the characteristics:
The Home Devaluers
Who they are: They’re friendly enough. They just never seem to mow their lawn more than once or twice a year, and they have a 1978 Buick rusting in their front yard. Granted, if they’re bad enough, you may have noticed this before moving in, but even a stopped clock is right twice a day: They may have looked presentable when you gave them the once-over.
How to handle them: Communicate, communicate, communicate, suggests Jodi R. R. Smith, author and etiquette consultant in Marblehead, Massachusetts. She knew a group of neighbors who were upset that a house on their block wasn’t taking care of the lawn. The neighbors assigned a delegate to knock on the door to discuss the yard, and when the owner came out of the house and the problem was explained, she broke into tears. It turned out that she was in the midst of a divorce andan aggressive chemo treatment. The neighbors then organized a rotating schedule of lawn care for the ill neighbor.“Things are not always what they seem,” says Smith.
I kinda think they might be like this. Both their front yard and back yard look like a set straight outta Sanford and Son, complete with theme music. Maybe I should change that to Sophie’s tone whenever she texts me.
The second Bad Neighbor trait also fits them:
The Clueless Neighbor
Who they are: These are the folks who know no boundaries and constantly barge into your yard or living room at inopportune moments. They can be friendly, maybe a bit wacky, but almost always clueless.
How to handle them: Chances are your neighbors are unaware that their behavior is intrusive. Try to alert them to boundaries that they may not realize they’re crossing. For example, if a neighbor walks over whenever you are reading alone on the porch, you can talk about how much you enjoy reading by yourself on the patio. If your neighbor doesn’t take the hint, it wouldn’t hurt to have a direct talk and to politely ask for privacy when needed.
And honestly, Sophie and Andy are truly fucking clueless. Like, I don’t think I’ve ever encountered two people are so into their world, they didn’t think of the problems they might be creating. But you know…privilege…
So, we know the five types of hot garbage neighbors, but what are the tips to be good ones?
For starters:
- Be kind. Saying hello never hurts anyone. Even a smile helps. ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ Neighbors love that!
- Be respectful. Like seriously, this goes without saying. No overly-loud music, loud parties, and disrespectful behavior (like rearranging your neighbor’s garbage to fit yours because you’re a dickhead).
- Keep a nice curb appearance. Neighbors can tell a lot about what’s going on in a house based on what the outside looks like. Many people take pride in their homes and it shouldn’t be treated like it’s some sort of extended stay hotel.
- Communicate. Let your neighbor know they were foul. Honestly, I should’ve said something sooner because they were on that bullshit for a hot minute. But I wanted to be sure they were acting a fool and I wasn’t overreacting.
- Keep it moving. Once you aired out the grievances, move on. No need to hold grudges.
I don’t know if we’ll be cool, but at least they know I was onto their shit and maybe, just maybe, they’ll try better. And maybe…we can look back on this and laugh.
How did you handle your bad neighbors?
