2
0
It’s been a topic that’s bothered me for a long while and I figured now was the time to address it and get it out.
My husband, Maks, is Ukrainian-Russian. He received his US citizenship about 13 years ago, a year before we met. He comes from Lviv, Ukraine. When he came over, it was really just him, his brother, and parents.
Eastern Europe is known to be heavily racist. Now, that’s not something I knew prior to meeting my husband but something I discovered as we were married.
When I first met my in-laws, it felt like they accepted me even though I was a Black American. Always had big family dinners, I stayed over at their place, I couldn’t say enough good things about them.
Then, I got married to my husband; things kinda cooled. Maks’s mother was weirdly passive-aggressive and constantly wanted to know if I was bringing in any income. I later found out Maks’s parents were so reliant on Maks helping them out, they wanted to make sure the gravy train kept going.
I didn’t like that and felt his parents were grown enough to support themselves but I also knew my place. Although I was married to my husband, I was very much an outsider in the family. Honestly, I still am. That’s the weird thing about being an in-law; you’re family, but not really.
Then we lost Ethan. The in-laws came over and were a major support for us. Maybe things were better between us. So I hoped.
And then we had Bo. And that’s when things got well…racist.
Over the past several years, my in-laws have made a variety of colorful comments:
“Why doesn’t Crystal go back to work? There’s affirmative action.”
“I hope Bo doesn’t get too dark.”
“Why is Crystal staying home?”
“Your grandmother wouldn’t have liked you married a black woman.”
“Bo can’t only know about the protests, you know?”
As my husband relayed these comments to me (and I’m sure there were a lot more he wasn’t telling me), I started to think…why am I being nice to these fools?
Maks’s mother has seen Bear the least, despite she hasn’t worked since she’s arrived in the country. She also has no friends, and no other family. She has plenty of time. Every time the subject of seeing Bear gets brought up, she always has an excuse. I finally told my husband I would give his mother more respect if she just flat-out said she doesn’t accept having a half-black grandson. The other family members feel the same way.
I have a sister in-law, who’s married to Maks’s brother. She’s a fucking hot mess and a half. She’s also Saudi Arabian, for those wondering. Every so often, she calls up Maks’s parents and let them how their other son is fucking up and how they’re horrible parents. She curses them out roughly three times a year.
They still invite her and love on her. Granted, she has stage 4 cancer. I guess cancer makes you a raging cunt? I don’t know. I do know she was doing this forever, long before the cancer diagnosis.
Yet, whenever I mind my own business, I’m met with passive-aggression, the racist comments, the ‘why don’t I’s?’. It quickly occurred to me that it didn’t matter how college-educated, come from a strong family background, have plenty of career experience, clean background record, loved by many I am…there are always going to be someone who feels I’m less than simply because I’m Black.
And my in-laws even come from the toilet bowl of Europe and have been on the bottom of the socio-economic totem pole since they arrived here. Yet, they still think they are somehow better than me. Funny how it’s always them calling my husband begging for money, never the other way around.
I finally told Maks I wanted nothing to do with his parents or his ain’t-shit brother for that matter. I was done playing nice. I was done being the Good Negro, only for them to talk their shit every chance they got.
No, I’m not going to start cursing them out or instigating fights. My delete, block, and ignore game is strong AF. Sometimes, no response is the best response.
As we’re in the middle of a Civil Rights Revolution, I’m not surprised my in-laws have taken the, ‘Why Don’t Those Negroes Shut Up and Be Happy’ approach. They have never been followed because of their race. They were never denied opportunities because of their race. No one has ever looked at them and marvel they speak English so well and use complete sentences. They never had to straighten their hair to be more presentable for work. They never had to put on a ‘White voice’ so they didn’t appear threatening.
They never had to experience oppression because the rules never applied to them. Even as non-citizens (they only have their green card), my in-laws are still treated better in the United States of America on any given day than my Black ass.
And yet, despite have a Black in-law, despite having a blood-related Black person in their family, they still can’t bring themselves to say Black Lives Matter. Because to them, it never did. It never will.
Needless to say, there are absolutely no pictures of them in my house. Don’t be a racist fucktard, and you’ll get your picture up on the wall. Simple as that.
I don’t know what the future holds between me and my in-laws. I doubt we’ll be getting together anytime soon because of Covid and anytime soon without Covid. I’m very weary having Bear around them. After all, if they’re that comfortable being racist, who knows what they’ll say or do to an impressionable young child. The last thing I need is for my son to hate his skin color, be proud he’s not as dark as Mommy, or any other racist fuckshit my in-laws think.
I can only hope one day…one day…my in-laws will realize how stupid and ignorant they’ve been and know that love knows no color, and treating other people with decency and respect knows no bounds. One day. Until then, they can stay where they’re at.
It’s sad to see they’re racist because me and my kid? We’re fucking awesome.
