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The build-up to his birthday is always the hardest. This year has been incredibly difficult because having a preschooler is one more reminder of what could’ve been and what currently isn’t. I know it may sound weird and I don’t sound like I’m grateful for Bear, but I am. I thank God every day for Bear. But I also wish Bear had his big brother.
The pain of losing a child is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone because it stays with you forever. Some women never recover. Some never have any more children. 
I love you then. I love you now. I’ll love you forever.
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