Cleaning Out My Closet

I’ve posted about issues I have with my brother and his lifestyle, namely, he likes the title of father but not the role. I’ve mentioned how I hate the idea he takes advantage of my retired, health-stricken parents because my brother hates the idea of any responsbility. I guess that’s why he doesn’t have nice things.

So naturally, his lack of respect for anyone has been a real sore button for me, particularly during this pregnancy. I’ve always kinda seen things as they’ve happened from a non-parent, far-removed situation (read: the only person with sense in my family). Over the years, I’ve seen and heard things that have led me to believe not only do I not know the whole story (read: people have been dishonest) but I’m also quite content in not knowing the whole story. But now I’m seeing things as a soon-to-be-again parent with a new take-home baby on the way. And I’m a little disturbed.

The reason for this blog post didn’t just come out of me thinking about everything my brother has been doing and letting it fester. I wish it were that simple. This blog post comes from a conversation I had with my mother last night. The plan is for my mother to come up and support me during labor, birth, and for a few days afterward so I can get acclimated with being a new parent and help us with whatever we needed. My mother lives in my hometown of Palm Springs, two hours one-way from Los Angeles. Keep that part in mind. 

So last night as we were discussing my potential labor (since it’ll happen anytime once the cerclage is removed), I asked her what she wanted me to do in terms of contacting her. She wanted me to call her the moment my labor starts, even if it’s in two in the morning so she can start heading up towards my way. And then she said the phrase that didn’t pay:

I need to see who’s going to watch your nephew.

Now, I don’t know about you but I just heard the proverbial record scratched. My mother needs to see who is going to watch her grandson? Of course, I only had one response:

How about his parents, Mom? What a concept!

That part of the conversation irritated me enough. The fact that my mother went on to start contemplating driving round-trip, everyday from Palm Springs to LA so she could be in Palm Springs to watch my toddler nephew and be in LA to help me recover from delivery and help out with her infant grandson, pretty much made me explode. I humored my mother for the remaining conversation but you best believe after the conversation, I went on a profanity-laced rant in front of my husband for a good 30 minutes, which he happily joined in.

I’m a big believer that if you can’t afford to have children, you shouldn’t have them. Point blank. It’s not a poor thing. It’s not a rich thing. It’s not a political party thing. It’s a common sense thing. If you have to depend on someone else other than yourself to support you and your children, and you’re not married or in a domestic partnership, in my opinion, you’re being greedy, lazy, and selfish. There are exceptions to that situation but they are few and far in between.

My brother is almost 40; he’ll be 40 next year. He’s not a child. He has had opportunities given to him, left and right and he somehow manages to desecrate every bridge he’s built. Go figure. I hate the fact that he willingly takes advantage of my parents support and their lifestyle because he doesn’t have a pot to piss in. My parents are pretty much the only reason why my nephews have clothes. I’m quite curious to see the quality of life my nephews will have should my parents suddenly die. My eldest brother (I have two siblings total) has also expressed the same concern so I’m not the only one seeing this.

However, as I mentioned in a previous post, my outlook on life has changed. I really do credit Joel Osteen for making me see that while it’s okay to get upset and angry, unless those people are paying my bills, there’s no point of them living rent-free in my head. I decided rather than confront the parties, I’m going to pray about it. I’ll pray certain people in my family will have some common sense. I’ll pray that this situation will resolve itself on its own. I’ll pray the resentment in me will dissipate.



2 thoughts on “Cleaning Out My Closet

  1. We are going through a similar situation with Ty’s family. His older brother has no job and is always looking for handouts. His daughter is 6 and we never see her because we don’t want to deal with her parents. Ty’s mom is moving out of state to get away from his leaching ways. We don’t answer his phone calls anymore, since it’s always a request for money. It’s sad. We can’t force folk to be responsible. And we do not have to enable their ways. Keep praying!


    1. I just don’t get it. It’s the ones who like to floss and want the nice lifestyle, but they don’t want to work hard to get it. That’s also my reasoning for refusing to move back to Palm Springs. I don’t want to be anyone’s free babysitting service. Most of my family know I am/will be a stay at-home mom so I really don’t want anyone to take advantage of the fact of, ‘Well, foxxy is home all day, she can watch the kids.’

      I really hate the fact that because people are so unprepared for the issues and lifestyle a baby brings, they impede on someone else’s life. They were grown enough to lay in bed to produce the kids but they’re not responsible enough to take care of them.


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